


What Has Been Forgotten

by smolbeanswithredhairandguyliner



Series: The Life of My Chemical Romance [4]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: 2016, Cuddling, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lies, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Rejection, Repressed Memories, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 16:12:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6016057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolbeanswithredhairandguyliner/pseuds/smolbeanswithredhairandguyliner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The two former band members meet again for the first time in years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Has Been Forgotten

“Gerard.”

“Frank.”

The two men stared at each other. It had been almost three years since the band broke up, and they had hardly talked. Their wives noticed what was happening to them. After both of their tours with their new band or solo albums, they began to feel what it was like without the other. It was lonely. They still had plenty of fans and friends with them, but after spending twelve years with someone almost 24/7, then get cut off from each other entirely, it was hard. It left a feeling in their stomach that they struggled to replace. Jamia and Lindsey had stayed acquaintances, and they agreed it was time that they connected their husbands again.

Now the former best friends stood gazing at each other, the younger of the two standing awkwardly outside of the red-heads house. The mothers cleared out all of the children and themselves, not wanting any distractions.

“Come in,” The older said, reluctantly stepping aside to let the small man inside. He debated for a second whether or not to accept the invitation, but stepped in hesitantly. There were days when he would fling himself into the singers arms, tackling him onto the couch, laughing and wrestling. But those days were long forgotten. Now Frank walks into the achingly familiar house, avoiding his former idol’s eye sight at all costs. He stopped and looked around as Gee closed the door behind him, the sound of it shutting painfully loud in the unwanted silence.

“Would you like some coffee?” The taller one asked in a way much too formal for the situation. Frank nodded slightly, and the owner of the house made his way swiftly to the kitchen. The machine pumped out the oh-so-addictive liquid into a shiny white mug. Gee sighed, hearing the familiar noise the object made as it worked. It seemed like ages before there were two full cups of coffee for him and the man in his living room. When he returned, Frank still stood in the same place when he had left. His hands were in his pockets as he waited patiently for the host to come back. Gerard cleared his thought slightly, signaling he had returned to the room. Frank’s head snapped to him. They locked eyes, and Gerard just lifted the two cup slightly, showing what he had made.

“Sit down, if you’d like,” Gerard suggested when Frank had waited to follow him to the couch. Once Frank complied, he slowly took the coffee from the elders hand, careful to avoid touching him. They sat in silence for a moment, Frank slouching and keeping his eyes trained forward, the other sat next to him with a painfully straight back, looking at Frank from the corner of his eyes. Neither drank the caffeine.

“You’ve changed,” Gee announced, now turning his head to make eye contact with Frank. He wasn’t lying when he said it. Frank had gained weight and got new tattoos. He had aged from that one fateful day they said goodbye. He didn’t paint X’s over his eyes any more, didn’t dye his hair vibrant colors like he used to. He wore clothes that fit him physically, but Gee thought would never fit his personality. Gerard missed his old baggy jeans that never held up properly, or the giant sweaters he wore over black skinny jeans. Now he wore plain blue jeans, without pre-ripped holes, and his hair was long, brown and shaggy around his face. A plain black t-shirt that was covered by a cardigan covered his chest and arms. _Frank never would’ve worn that during our tours. What if the Frank I knew was always just an act?_ the older thought. He forced that thought away.

“I could say the same to you,” Frank spoke for the first time since entering the house. This Gerard was way too put together for the one he used to know. Then again, the Gerard Frank remembered was an addict for the majority of their years. Was he even himself during that time? The now nearly 40-year-old hadn’t seemed to grow older during their 12 dream-like years together, but now he had smile lines appearing on his no longer pale face. His eyes had faded color, his lips had thinned. He seemed to be low on energy, worn out. Then again, Frank assumed he looked the same. There were things about Frank ached for at nights. His laugh, as cliche as it was, was the main one. It haunted him, the way his small teeth showed as he would express his joy as someone amused him.

Frank hadn’t talked to him, but he listened to his music. When Gerard first released Hesitant Alien, Frank tried to ignore it. He couldn’t resist the temptation forever, though. Once Frank played The Bureau, he couldn’t stop. He listened to them all in one night. Sometimes his mind wandered to the forbidden thoughts to think if the songs were about him. But, no, they weren’t. They couldn’t be. Once he had listened to the entire album, he got attached. He had went far too long without Gerard’s voice. He spent nights in his tour bus playing old My Chemical Romance, strumming along to the familiar notes on an imaginary guitar. He thought back to the days he was so sick and tired of playing these songs, but now he longed to go back just one more time and play on the stage with Ray and Mikey and Gee, and even Bob. Frank realized he needed to stop wishing to go back to those days. All it ever caused him was pain. He absentmindedly found himself stroking his thumb over Gerard in his blue suit on his small phone screen, feeling a pang of jealousy when he saw the silver ring on his finger. He stopped. He convinced himself that it was over, forever.

“Your clothes finally fit,” Gee joked, smiling sadly. I suppose ‘joked’ isn’t the best word to describe what it was. It was a sure attempt to lighten to mood, but it didn’t work. Frank looked away from him, down at his knees. Gerard didn’t like seeing him so sad. In a movement of old habits, the red-haired man pulled the small one to him. He hugged him close, before practically jumping away. He didn’t mean to do that. Over the past years he had listened to Frank’s music, but didn’t get through Stomachaches. He couldn’t. Since Frank wasn’t showing any signs of coming to him, and Gerard wasn’t going to go to him, he reasoned it was best to cut him out of his current life. It was for the better, right? He convinced himself that all that had ever happened with Frank was piles and piles of mistakes. The man convinced himself so much that he wiped away the memories of happiness with the guitarist. He erased the times they laughed together when Gee had put on a dress and make up. He dissolved the memories where they lay cuddled together so that the cold of that crappy old bus was somewhat bearable. He crumbled the thoughts of them on stage, teasing and grinding on each other. But now that Frank was here again, and the awfully wonderful memories of their younger years came rushing back.

“Sorry, force of habit,” Gerard mumbled, the tension so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Frank snorted and smiled in the saddest way anyone could ever snort and smile.

“I've missed you so fucking much, Gee,” Frank said, the nickname falling easily off of his tongue. Tears were stinging his eyes. He was sure that it was purely inappropriate that a 34-year-old, heavily tattooed father of three should cry so easily, but Frank couldn’t help it. He hadn’t cried from sadness for since My Chemical Romance decided to split, but being with the former crush, lover, best friend, and heartbreaker, he couldn’t hold back his tears. Gee had known they were close, but Frank never told him how he used to feel. He used to be his role-model, his muse, his fucking _everything_. He loved him, but he never dared say it in more than a friendship way. Back before Lindsey, before Jamia, he thought there was a chance, but then the women of their daydreams came into their lives. Frank loved Jamia, more than anything else in the entire world. He loved her so much. She was the mother of his children, the woman who had never, ever been absent when he needed her. But, he loved Gerard, too. No, not as much as he did Jamia, but love was love and it fucking hurt like hell.

“I missed you, too,” Gerard croaked out. Lindsey was his one and only, she always would be, but he knew Frank had always felt more for him than friendship, and Gerard had to admit that he enjoyed the moments on stage where they could make out and grind and feel each other without being questioned by their wives. Gee always felt bad or guilty when he and Frank exchanged ‘I love you’s during tour, or the few kisses the shared off stage that seemed to mean more, but were never mentioned again. Or the nights where their hands wandered further down on each others bodies than acceptable by just friends. He felt guilty because he knew he was slowly falling in love with Frank. If he was being brutally honest with himself, that was a small reason he broke the band up. Whether or not he was falling in love with the youngest member, he would’ve torn them apart, but Frank was still a component as to why he did it. He was scared that he would do something that he would regret. Something that would never allow his to look at his beloved wife without feeling guilty.

Before they fully realized what they were doing, the two musicians were lying down on the couch, coffee long forgotten. The smaller of the two let his tears and sobs come out, while the older pulled him against his warm body and they fell sideways onto the soft cushions. The brown haired one buried his head into the space under the others jawline. The strong, familiar arms wrapped around his torso, making him feel small. He took a long, shaking breath. Gee dug his nose into Frank’s hair, breathing in his scent. His smell was the same as it used to be - something that hadn’t changed. Frank thought the same thing as his tears dampened the leader’s white shirt. Their legs wrapped around each other like two puzzle pieces coming together.

“I didn’t realize it would be so hard without you,” Frank sighed into his pairings chest. It was weird, what they were doing. They hadn’t seen each other for a thousand days, and now they had gotten back to cuddling after just 30 minutes of being together again. Their wives weren’t in their heads. Their children weren’t in their thoughts. All they focused on was each other.

“I love you,” Gerard blurted out. He didn’t know what was happening today. Frank was doing something to him that caused him to act on pure impulse. Frank stiffened in his arms.

“W-what?” Frank stuttered, turning his head up to look at Gerard in his piercing green eyes.

“Shit, Frank,” Gerard breathed, shifting up into a sitting position again, except this time Frank was sat staring at him on his lap. “I love you. I fucking love you. I hate myself for it but I can’t resist. You make me feel like I’m half my age. Like some dumbass teenager with a crush. Whenever I think about you my heart soars, but then plummets when I remember you aren’t mine and I’m not yours. The past years have been some of the roughest of my life, and I didn’t want to admit it until now, but it was because I didn’t have you. I can’t fucking _live_ without you, Frank.” Tears were glazing over his eyes now, making them shine. Frank’s eyebrows were furrowed, eyes moving frantically, searching Gerard’s eyes for any signs of lying.

“Gerard,” Frank whispered. He realized now, something he had always known deep down but could never admit it, not until this moment - he was just another one of Gerard’s drugs. Something Gerard was helplessly addicted to. Something he went three years without, and finally gave in. Frank wanted to go back in time, back to when he was smiling against Gerard’s lips as he was carried to a hotel room that the band could finally use. Back to when Gerard laid him down and made him feel small and submissive and happy. Made him feel things he never felt with Jamia. Made him feel really fucking good. He realized then that Gerard was one of his drugs, too. His first and last addiction. Frank knew that this was the only moment in his life where he had to be stronger than Gee. He had to tell the hardest lie of his life, the worst 5 words of his entire 34 years on this earth.

“I don’t love you anymore.”


End file.
